There are several realizations I have had recently, about making a graphic novel. First is that I have never made one, and I am trying to figure out how. It humbles me, but not enough to stop. Despite my weakness, I am driven to tell the story that is in me.
As I see the graphic novels made by artists who have done this many times, mine is unsophisticated in style, and rushed. But to me, the story is wonderful, and must be told. I am getting older, and don't have moments to waste.
I chose to switch from a typical book because I am a visual thinker. I don't have enough interest in writing to refine the craft, and I know that I am terrible at dialogue. My speech bubbles betray me. I imagine people who know how to really write cringe at my mistakes in grammar, pacing, and awkwardly worded phrases. In all of this I am practicing.
I have a lot to express, and I feel rushed to get it out. The whole story Is mostly in my head, through eight chapters, and It could take me to 60 years old to finish it at my current rate. So I leave things unrefined and lacking in sophistication. I rely on the dark outlines to mask my impatience and lack of skill, and any refinement in them is a happy accident. I am indebted to Adobe Illustrator for the joy of the tapered line.
Nevertheless, I am pressing ahead. There is worthwhile meaning despite my weakness, and I know that Uendyr's search for meaning and creativity is just a shadow of mine, in which I haven't found all the answers; I just see the enormous size of potential there, and want to be a part of it. The Isle Obscura is a real place, where I go all the time simply by imagining it, and seeing my real life reflected in it. I dream myself there in the night, and it is always changing. Whenever I meet an artistic friend, I meet a traveller to that island. It is big enough for everyone to fit, even people who work hard at something uncreative. It is full of meaning because I look for meaning there. I don't just vacation there, I work there, and I take whatever I discover that has truth in it with me. The Isle is full of open minded children, and people with a passion to make something, to express something from inside themselves, to make dreams real.
It's all about courage to find meaning and make choices. That's what life is. I pretend like a child so that I can keep my optimism, and yet I keep going to work, to church, and home again, with a sense of purpose, because I bring the meaning back with me, and use it to live.
If that is too wordy for you, then to sum it up; I find happiness making a graphic novel, and I hope others can find happiness enjoying the meaningful journey with me.
And you can see why I don't use my real name. There is a limit to my courage. I lead a simple life, which is still as packed with interest and requirements as I can manage. My story is going out there either way, but as much as possible I'm staying behind.
